Am I Crazy Enough?

Am I crazy enough? May be but I can't mention it. Could you imagine I have been like a head hunter on 1.30 am early morning. Even i haven't take a rest for while, just lay down my skinnie body and close my eyes to rest my mind. I m angry but I dont know what to do. I have made two article of three that I should write tonight. It's all about how to be better person. Even I believe that i will have the ability, but not yet.

I dont have many friends, but I believe all my friends support me. As I really want to see their success too. I can't tell about everything but I know and I confess that I feel something. Even I can't explain it. Thanks to God of all blessing so long. But sometimes and somehow you will feel you don't know which place you are staying now. Sure my life is complete. I have my family that love me. I have beautiful girlfriend. I have good friends too. its all about how strong are your vision to see your destiny. Its heard melancholic. But I'm not.

I really love my girl friend (i used to call her my life :-) ). But I dont know somehow I can't tell this feeling to her. She is so innocent in my view. Untill I didn't dare to tell any word (boast). I scare to hurt her. I really aware that i should not to tell much word, I just need to proof that I relly love her. I don't know what kind of proof. I believe my success to make my life better is the best way to show that I really love her.

Even with my parents. I am an adoption's son. I have foster father and mother. I have my biological father and mother too. It is seldom for me, to share about my problem or anything in my life. I just communicate to them when it need. I love them much. But I don't know how to show it to them. I always have a wish to make them happy. When I could be someone that not only as their ideal but also mine too. It seem difficult to realize it. But I believe my Parents agree with me. My happiness is their happiness too. in other hand theirs too on me.

I have big family too. I have many sisters and brothers that really love me. We are like big happy family. The purity of village family. I hope you can imagine it. How happiness if you are surrounding by big happy family? yeah you right. Sometimes it is not so smooth as I mention. But its life and it is family. Sometimes we have conflict, but othertime we smile together. happiness, sadness, smile and cry as other common family in the whole world. I hope you can feel our happiness too. I proud of my family.

Even in my journey till this recent time. My family's pray make me strong always. It doesn't matter how hard and difficult my life. My family always be my shoulder. Their pray is my spirit. Thanks to God of all this.

But I'm scare, that I will make them dissapointed. Its not because worry that I can't give their request. More than this, sometimes I'm scare that I will not have an ability as my ideal. The highest ability that I can made. That's so why, I will never give up to process my self be better and better. Never ending, till my end blood drop and tears. I believe with this faith. I believe in my family as they believe in me.

Am I crazy enough? I don't know. Something that I really aware now, I just try to make my life better. I don't know this final evolution. I just try and try, and never give up to do and give the best thing that I can do... Thanks God, my parents, my family, my life, and my friends... all of you are my soul.. thank you..